


That's Hollywood

by quiet__tiger



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 00:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10820241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Dick and Tim have a laugh over a movie.





	That's Hollywood

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "Make Up."
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal 16th-Mar-2010.

A bat-shaped shadow grew on the wall, mugger framed in darkness until he realized he was being stalked and backed away from his victim. Two gauntlet-clad fists picked him up by his soiled shirt and threw him into the wall. He yanked a gun from his pocket but it was kicked away by a heavy black boot.

“Who...Who are you?” the mugger asked as he cowered in fear.

Dressed in a black cowl and body armor, eyes narrowed, the attacker growled, “I’m Batman.”

Dick laughed so hard he spit out his soda, liquid dripping down his chin as some of it fizzed up his nose. He could feel Tim watching him, smirking at him or the movie, he wasn’t sure. “Do you see that?”

“If you’re referring to Batman’s raccoon eyes, then yes, I did. I know that this isn’t supposed to be a documentary, just a Hollywood studio movie extrapolating Batman’s crime fighting, but still.”

“I mean, seriously, if Bruce put that much black make up around his eyes every time he put on the cowl, he’d keep his identity for about three and a half minutes. Every time he had to run back and forth from one of his society functions, or was almost late for an appointment because of something, he’d be found out. That stuff must take forever to wash off.”

“Even if it didn’t the skin around his eyes would be red from the abuse. He’d constantly look like he was upset. Women would be all over him trying to be the one to make him feel better.”

“Upset or on drugs.”

“Just what ‘Brucie’ needs.”

“Bruce needs to see this movie. Especially—Haha, oh man, look! Stripped down, no scars or bruises like he’s a meta or something. And where is he?”

“The… sewer? They think Batman lives in the sewer? He’s not a Ninja Turtle.”

“It’s not much worse than a bat-filled cave.”

“It’s plenty worse. The Cave has bat guano, not people guano.”

Dick grimaced. “True.”

They watched a few more minutes, where Batman, wearing only his cowl, was getting a massage from a hot blonde woman wearing a tight red outfit. “Who the hell is that?”

“And where can we find her?”

“Why’s he still got the cowl on?”

“Maybe they don’t want to show the raccoon eyes without the cowl.”

“They could at least show us how he takes off the make up.”

“Massive amounts of cold cream.”

“Sexy.”

“Maybe his girlfriend there does it.”

Dick shrugged and turned back to the movie, only to see Batman and the blonde start making out. “Oh, give me a break. Bruce wishes he got that much action.”

Tim frowned. “If he takes the cowl off, he’s going to smudge the eye stuff all over her.”

“Five bucks says he keeps it on.”

“Kinky or lazy?”

“Both.”

They watched the rest of the movie, enjoying how ridiculous it was.

Black eye make up. As if.

Bruce only ever wore concealer to cover bruises.


End file.
